Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
