I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
