Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
