Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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