New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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