Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
