Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
