Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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