I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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