and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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