Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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