she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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