Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
