I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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