I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
