I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
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I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
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I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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