Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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