..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
