just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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