Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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