the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
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this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
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