Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
