There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
