Where is the hickey?
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
