Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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