chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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