My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
