got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
found the other keg... it's in the tree
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
