I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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