You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
