I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize