drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
