I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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