I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Randomize
