You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
