turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
