I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
