I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
