Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
