I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
