DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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