rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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