I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
