if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
