The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize