So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
