I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
