I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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