Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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