I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
