Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
