well you can't waste a boner
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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