I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
