i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
