So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize