god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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