pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize