Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
True strength comes from lack of pants
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