I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
