if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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