I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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