she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
