He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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