once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
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Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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