why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
