just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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