I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
