Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
