Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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