I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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