But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I wish you could order shots online.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
