i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
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I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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