Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
