why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
