I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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