Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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