Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
